FOOL THAT I AM

for jerrold, darnell, james, frank, robert lee,
terrance, anthony, steve, lamont, charles,
vernon, tyrone, mikey, hermie & everyone
else from the henry horner homes

situations of change, remembrances
of schemes & things
when we were once young
we cared only for what was
fed to us
taking by silver spoonfuls
life lessons only adhered to
when our spirits were crying out
"i-told-you-so's"

around
traces of lace borders
over metal caskets
& boys in blue
with white hoods

tragedy at red stop signs
& college degrees
only semesters away
fly on the breezes like confetti
as the coroner whizzes through

i am an adult in a time of
war on minds with an inner child
still growing amidst gunfire
& black & white waitlists;
a place where
spines are broken with empty promises
& deferred dreams mailed off in bulk
still go unanswered

times contain colors
hues & symetric patterns
where pretense & pride
hold backroom sessions
& the masses
trash all that is different
--until it becomes new again

times when we shot for marbles
& now shots take lives
eternal immunizations still kill...

happy times of playin'
hide-go-seek
kickin' on doors in the projects
running/holding our sides
cracking up laughing/carefree
but now the hustlers
are cracked up & on crack bad
running low on energy
from powering up on government subsidies
of scattered sites housing
& five dollar hits & now she's gone...

the times of sunshine
golds during summer holidays
& billfolds of foodstamps
are now y2k dreams
of barcoded gallons of drinking water
& the question asked
around the place
is why my eyes still choose to dream
in color

& the answer comes easy...

times contain colors
situations of change, remembrances
of when i was young
& i knew you

we wondered if we'd live
to see the day

do you see what i see?

H.
8-19-2005