FOOL THAT I AM

is it alright if i cry
without no positive speeches
i don't need no lessons on god
he knows i'm human & i got weakness
don't tell me it's alright
my life fell into ten pieces
don't tell me it's fine
just let me have a cry

--kina cosper

i am fine
have held back as long as i could
& can't complain

oh, but i can & should

tears cleanse & now i am sparkling,
refreshed & new & feeling no pain
but, alas, i had a moment...

because i've ran from it
convinced that there is no reason
to dwell on what i cannot change
or wonder why me, why this
or the more famous line of "why now?"

the tears,
they did run down my face
& the smile hid behind a scowl
the contorted, twisted mouth
that wants to let out the scream

that final moan

of recognition
that i too, am fine, have been fine
& will continue to be fine.

but why?

because i said so
& did so: cry

now,
the healing begins
& the thin walls
finally talk back

because in this moment
i am fine, now...

H.
8-9-2005