FOOL THAT I AM

"...at first i just stood there bewildered,
maybe i had gone through the wrong door..."
Carleen Anderson, "Ghost In My Bed"

were you ever that
"somebody somewhere"
you should've been
but weren't?

the one over there
where your friends
found crisp dollar bills
in the playground you
religiously went after
school

except that day
(cuz you were on punishment)

or can you recall how much
fun everyone had at school
on the last day, except you

(chicken pox kept you in)

...i still conjure them & him:
that "somebody somewhere"

in my mind, making
real all the times i knew
him & he knew me
& we just knew we

weren't just somebody
else's problem or someone
else's excuse or responsibility

jesse said we were somebody
but we already knew that,
though the cycle of silence
as known as age 12 through 29
is still keeping time with
proud mary on the dancefloor

& i'd ask him to dance
were i sure that it wouldn't
be an issue with getting him
to notice me amidst all the
other some-bodies somewhere
who are under 30
& have perfected poses
of youth i've long since outgrown

somebody somewhere might
long to be that someone brave
enough to go where
we've never been

somewhere else to be
somebody else while
all you have is you

leaving me remnants
of scents & nonsense
shouting from the indoor
corners of my house