FOOL THAT I AM

I have held my breath
& turned every color I could
just for you to notice the
lessening in rises & falls
of my chest

leaning into solid hugs goodbye
& pecks hello, I called out to
you

between breaths
hoping for your breathing
to regulate with mine

keep time with the lessening
in rises & falls of my chest
where you lay before you
leave each time like the last

this time yesterday, today
& tomorrows when I have
held my breath still hoping

coping

with the things you say & do
done & did; could've & would've
excuse me, is there a space
left unfilled that shoots you
out into the ether

thoughts never actualized
dreams never realized
& between breaths I dream
hoping the lessening becomes more

& the color comes back & the
breaths come back & back
& the rises & falls of my chest
where your head rests
brings back hopeful resonance.

it is a dream deferred
a term referred
a love preferred
where I am not blue

the color of pain...

H., 2-14-2005
11:40pm, West Lafayette, IN