FOOL THAT I AM

I've finally found out that truth in words...like those words my mother told me long before I wanted to believe them that reminded me of the cycle of life. "Your life changes just when you get comfortable, so don't ever get to comfortable with mediocrity!" These are words that have had a rippling effect, as just when I try to believe that people are people, somebody/something/some place comes along and adds their inactive shit to the mix.

Today, I say, "for real? Really?"

Really! I have had it, but in addition to that, I'm finding myself once again finding that safe space to retreat to, and this time, my exile will be self-imposed as opposed to me taking anyone else's drama. Here's to life--the comedy of errors & eras of decadent foolery!

In this here year of our Lawd & Saviour Hay-Seuss Crist, I will complete the following before 2006 comes around (and the killer bees get us all):

1. I will watch reality television shows and talk shit to the screen from beginning to end and do my dishes on commercials.
2. I will conduct a nationwide search for literate human beings who agree with me when I say a good book makes a good read AND a great tool to whack ig'nant folks in the puss.
3. I will pray consistently that I do not run into my students at the liquour store (however, if they're selling greens, I'm buying in large quantities).
4. I will be a better friend to my friends, and only laugh uncontrollably when those who aren't my friends anymore (probably never were, either) speak to me if we're, by some mean trick of life, forced to be around one another because of mutual friends.
5. I will work more diligently on my writing, saving the task of rewriting for those days I need to get out of doing things I don't want to do with folks who really aren't worth the time.
6. I will not feel guilty about #5
7. I will actually write on those occasions that #5 has to be enabled.
8. I will visit my dad more and quell my desire to address him with, "hey deadbeat, what's the bizness?"
9. I will get myself flowers once a week and tell the checkout ladies, "these are for my boyfriend...I know his allergies will love these puppies!"
10. I will take all this cynicism in me and bottle it up somewhere and only refer to it when it's time for the black gay boy pity party to start.
11. I'll honestly do better in my relationships with myself...which means no more cheating with my left hand.
12. I'll clean my mom's basement, for real this time (?).
13. I'll pay my bills on time.
14. I'll get my thesis done.
15. I'll get my thesis done on time.
16. I'll lower my intake of caffeine.
17. I'll smoke less cigarettes.
18. I won't tell people "I did this before I went to see Mandy Moore in concert" when they ask why I cut my locks off after 8 1/2 years.
19. I'll remember to tell people that I really didn't see Mandy Moore in concert (but the very first concert I went to was the Jets at the UIC Pavillion in Chicago back in 1985...whoa!).
20. I'll stop calling the cops on the prostitutes who parade in front of my building.
21. I'll stop giving the prostitutes in front of my building any ammunition to keep asking me "do you want some good head?"
22. I'll stop thinking that it's good to lead prostitutes on.
23. I'll keep the peace going from 9-to-5 (but before or after those hours, I can't be held responsible for my actions--there is a war going on).
24. Make this my last gripe with the world and beyond
25. End this now and go smoke a bit (not Whitney Houston smoke...but the blue light in the basement during rent parties on the West Side when Angelo & 'nem got that Cuban green from them cats in K-Town).

Anyone who reads this, know that I'm okay if you're okay, and if you're okay...well, good for you & so what (just joking)...keep that same old feeling and pass the love around before you're up at five minutes to midnight wishing you weren't so angry.

You might be right, call me angry today, cuz tomorrow I'll be someone else (but still me, all jokes/all the time!).