FOOL THAT I AM

what more can be said about this present fact? last wednesday, i celebrated my 32nd with all the folks that i love & it was a surprise, seeing as though i had nothing to put a party together. but, thanks to my generous older sister (thanks for the two jugs of wine!) and my frat brother "the equalizer" who bought me a cake & ice cream, a party it became.

between the laughter, the smoke & a whole bunch of signifying, i can honestly say that this was one of my better birthdays--stress & drama free.

old friends & new friends came out and made me laugh all night long, so to return the favor, when the smoke & spirits overtook me "real good", i put on nina simone's "sinnerman" and began to beat out my rhythmic birthday affirmation in time with the goddess of soul!

if i had a tambourine, i would've beat that all night long, but i didn't have one--so i attempted to make one by taking to styrofoam bowls and filling them with marbles then covering them with aluminum foil so that i could really shake things up, but, alas, that wasn't enough...

but there was my drum sitting underneath my living room window...so i took it and pounded out my own blues in honor of my making it another year.

i've been taking some "me time" and thinking about new ways to just be. i've come to so many conclusions and revelations that i can't begin to put them down here, but i have honestly been putting them into play for myself. so a man thinketh...

i'm going to learn to play the guitar
i'm going to paint my house
i'm going to build me a bookcase
i'm having my booksigning on june 25, 2005
i'm going to birmingham, little rock, new orleans, minneapolis, atlanta, d.c. & san francisco in july & august
i'm locking my hair again
&
i've only just begun evolving into the me i like when i look in the mirror

...not bad for a "mock" octogenarian (as md calls me)...

me & the fellas played soccer this past weekend and that was definitely fun...it's our new beginning in doing different things with our off time (cheers to soccer saturdays).

...but fuck that love shit...i ain't got none for nobody right now & don't see it in the near future...

i'm 32...whoa!

& i love it!

1.
i've fallen in love several times before
but this time, it would be different

so we believed

probably still do,
but i just got over
the noises the house
makes all on it's own

it's much more louder now

2.
i get over the silence
& fill it with sights & sounds
i remember all my own

sometimes, i dance

3.
now, i ascend stairs &
deposit items & garments
& i sit & watch television
for a change.

4.
i write...write

1.

theres a splendor in the presence of those that heal you
heal that place that itches down deep & only that
moment heals you. they have faces...

him
&
him & her, her & him

there have always been others
but you are all consistent.

at this moment, another of ours
has lost his moments with another

one of us is soon to be off in another
space not as close for us...

all of us dreamers, dreaming big
& breaking fly...that's all of us & we

do live

2.
i am thankful for the times you all have
given without asking; taking little
leaving much

we laugh so hard

the kind that bends you over because
it's funny as hell & from a pure moment

...at this moment,
we are all laughing
feeling life's embrace
like an old friend

this moment

i am happy...for real

& i have many to thank at this moment

that starts with you all